My mind in complete surrender and I feel it so strong, kneeling at my Masters feet, cleaning His boots, worshipping them.
All is quiet and I don't think, I only feel.
No moment makes me feel more His then this one and it makes me smile because of that.
It feels beyond everything else, to feel what I am and who I belong to is such a wonderful moment.....my moment.
Over the course of my slavery my Master gradually began resricting my orgasms.
In the beginning it was granted regularly when I was not with my Master.
He permitted them quite often and instructed me how and where He wanted me to have them.
Then Master began to exercise total control over them and they were only permitted occasionally, making them a luxury for me, making me more aware of who owned me and that He owned all of me.
When I am with my Master I am not to have them without permission either and Master expects me to hold them until He grants it.
I also have to beg for them, except when my mouth is gagged or otherwise filled.
Sometimes He denies them, even after I have begged for Him.
In the beginning it was hard to stop myself from cumming and more then once I have had orgasms without permission.
I was punished for this.
So I learned to control my body, at all times, under all circumstances. Doesn't matter if I am being fucked hard, have Masters cock in my mouth, am being spanked, when I am being deliciously hurt or just rubbing my cunt over Masters boots, I can't lose control..
Holding them was and still is one of the most difficult things for me.
There have been many moments I thought I could not make it.
So many time I have come so close to losing control.
I have had to bite my lip and clamp down on that amazing feeling that brings you there were you want to go over and over again, which gives you the release you so desperately long for.
Sometimes when I am so close, so loaded but still able to hold it, Master orders me to cum, and I cannot explain what happens when I finally hear Him say...NOW....
It is like I haven't had one in months, that all the orgasms I had craved for and were denied are packed into one.
It more than makes up for the wait, it makes all better, the energy that comes from my body, the satisfaction, and the excessive squirting.
And I feel grateful, so grateful for what He has given to me......
A couple of days ago Master decided to tie me up on the slave bench, sitting on my ass, hands tied behind me and my legs spread wide tied at the ankles.
My pussy couldn't be more exposed then this and still felt very warm and sensitive after the treatment it got with Masters crop.
Master went for the super vibrator, and placed it right in the middle of my pussy.
My body started to respond right away, the intensity of the vibrations made me crave to be penetrated really deep and hard the one moment, but wanted to escape this torture on the next.
Being tied like that I had no way of closing my legs, not even for a little bit to make the contact on my pussy less direct and Master made sure He pushed it hard onto my now soaking wet cunt.
Then when He moved it and placed it directly on my clit the orgasms came.
And came. And came.
They were hard, but when Master turned up the vibe to the highest setting they became almost unbearable.
I hated them and I loved them.
They were hard, ruthless. They came whether I liked it or not, whether I was ready or not, my body orgasmed and did not listen to me anymore.
But I did enjoy them, they gave release, in a cruel way, and I loved it when one faded into the next one.
I also love them because Master gives them to me, without me pleasuring Him or being used by Him and I love the feeling that only He is in control of my orgasms at that moment and not me, since there is no way I can either stop them, choose the moment when I have them, or even postpone them.
Of course Master owns all of my orgasms, however these are forced upon me by Him, which is a significant difference with the orgasms that usually build up inside me untill they reach a certain height, like when I am being fucked, fingered, pleasuring my Master, etc.
At that point I beg for release, but always makes sure I am still able to withhold it, if permission is denied.
There is no way of controlling or even having the slightest bit of influence over these.
Master had me gagged before He started, so I did not have to beg for permission to orgasm.
I am always very happy when He does this, since I have no control over these orgasms and begging would be very hard if not impossible.
The orgasms do not built up, they are more explosions and therefor I have no warning, no time to beg.
They made me wanted to be penetrated more then ever, I felt every muscle in my body tense, my wetness drip out of me, and orgasm after orgasm were torn from me.
I felt my lower body move as if I was getting fucked, shaking with every orgasm that was ripped out of me, till finally it stopped.
I felt my pussy throbbing, thinking with mixed feelings if this was just a break or the end.
My body longing for more as if it was addicted to the orgasms while my mind was yelling please stop....
It was truly a very intense and memorable experience.
When I am allowed to worship my Masters cock, I get really excited and can even say I am addicted to rubbing, sucking, having my throat fucked by it, feeling it grow in my mouth, and even just tasting it.
I often think about it.
Sometimes He makes me wait for it and that makes my drive to taste it, feel it or touch it, worse, almost uncontrollable.
I really want to taste every inch of it, lick every spot, touch it from top to bottom.
I crave to stroke it with my hands, lick the head with my tongue, kiss His balls, lick His groin and taste everywhere.
If I taste His pre-cum and get a taste of what is coming it makes me even more driven to do whatever it takes to please my Master.
When I am all into it my body goes crazy and all I can think of then is to have it jammed down my throat as deep as possible, to be mouthfucked, choked by it and finally have His cum deep inside me and taste it over and over again before I swallow it.
During my cock-worship I often orgasm - usually more then once and this can be so intense that I even squirt.
I am driven to worship His cock, and to bring joy to my Master by kneeling between His legs, with His hands on my head, pushing my head over His cock or pulling my hair so I have no control over my own movements, all to make it even better for Him.
I crave for Him to use me. Hard. And till He is content.
I am there for His pleasure and His satisfaction and if my Master wishes it , I can do it for as long as He pleases (even hours at a time).. I never get tired of it and every taste of His cock is as wonderful as the first.
When the time comes, I will again kneel before Him and I will beg.
I will beg Him to fuck my throat. Beg Him to use and abuse my trained fuck-hole as He pleases.
I will beg Him to please, please let me worship His cock.
After wearing the undies for 24 hours, I finally could take them off this morning.
I took a nice hot shower and shave and felt much better.
I know it had to be done, Master needs to fulfill His responsibility.
Not punishing me would mean that Master would allow me to be disobedient, which is unacceptable.
That it was not a direct order I did not follow up on, does not change that.
Master expects me to have enough self-discipline to fulfill certain tasks without a direct command and to keep remembering things He taught me.
Same as He expects me to be on my best behaviour in public especially at munches, since I, as His slave, represent Him.
I also have to keep my appearance up at all times, fulfill my daily tasks, do whatever needs to be done without a word from Him, take initiative if its in the best interest of my Master and follow up on His commands without Him having to repeat Himself.
My internal desire to serve Him completely is motivating me to do so and from there I find the self-discipline to do whatever He is expecting from me.
Of course there are also the disciplinary actions that are brought upon me if I should fail to do so, of which I am fully aware and which drives me too.
That Master cannot possibly see all the times if things are being done as He wishes, does not change things, my desire to serve and to obey Him stays the same.
For example, Master does not want me to drive crazy anymore or speed.
I use to have a bit of an aggressive style of driving, which was not very much appreciated by Master.
But after a word from Him about it I would not dare to drive like that anymore or speed.
That Master never sees this, does not change anything, I am obeying and have the self-discipline to do so.
This was also the case when Master helped me to stop smoking.
He disciplined me very strictly in smoking only four a day at the beginning, later on diminishing the amount, expecting the self-discipline from me to obey, even though it was and still is very hard.
As for other failings that occur without him, I tell Master, because I need and want to be honest and obedient.
This is far more important to me then any punishment and allows me to move forward.
My desire is to serve Him the best way I possibly can, and both discipline and self-discipline are very important in achieving that.
Yesterday Master gave me the belt like I never had before.
I was loaded with excitement as this day came closer.
This time He gave me short series of about 10 /15 spanks, but they were all very hard, full blows.
Normally I would count them by myself, not this time....I was just enjoying them, and was not up to anything else other than feeling them, all of them, no matter how hard and painful, I wanted to savour them.
It felt even more painful because I have not felt His belt in four weeks.
Master stopped spanking me before I felt the pain diminish due to endorphins, so each time He started to give the hard smacks again, after short breaks, I felt them as if they were the first ones He gave me.
It felt great! I had missed the belt and when I finally felt the leather come down hard on my butt I smiled, cried, yelled and let go....totally (you can see the wet spot between my legs in the picture).
Master had gagged me and I thank Him for that, because most likely I would have been unable to beg for permission, I was too much into it.
I had three orgasms during the spankings, true paingasms - my ass felt warm, red and eventually my cunt exploded from the heat - I wished it would feel like that forever.
The positions Master spanked me in felt different, I even got them while Master sat in a chair He put over me, it felt like the belt hit different part of my butt, parts that hardly had ever been spanked before.
Also I had some serious smacks on my cunt, very painful, but the warm glow it gets afterward, Yummy!
The unusual thing is that checking my ass in the mirror today, I saw no marks !
I don't know why, normally I even get them with minor spanks, but...one thing I still have ...PAIN ! This slave ass still hurts !! :-)
Thank You Master