Who is she ?

During the past year I've grown immensely.
I worked hard on myself, my self esteem, my physical appearance, my mental state and my own happiness.
I needed to find out what I really wanted from a relationship and found I really need to be and feel loved more then anything else.
I had several relationships during this year who provided that need but they all ended the same way, the men wanted to control me and change me.
I can't be controlled, it has to come from within me, I want to please and serve because I choose too, not because somebody requires it.
Changing me is a sign they were not happy with the way I am, the way I look and I'd rather have them move on to somebody who has the physical appearance and the disposition they want.
D/s is complicated and only few get it.

I've had long talks with my best friends as to find out who I really am.
I had retreats by myself.
How do people see me ? How do I see myself?
And I found me, deep down inside, hidden from the world, simply because I wanted to be loved.
I turned into somebody who I thought could be loved.
I escaped reality because life was hard on me.
It was time to become me again.

I found a girl who is confident, adventurous, witty, friendly, innocent, helpful and kind.
I am open to new ideas, but intolerant of other people's shortcomings and overly sarcastic.
I look and dress very unusually,  express eccentricity and freedom in every movement.
I am ever-young provocative, but can also get confused easily.

Now I express myself for who I really am, like me or not, it doesn't matter to me, I like myself now better then ever before and am confident that one day I will be and feel loved by one special man for who I really am.


  1. I'm so please that you have posted and you have worked out that being you is a wonderful thing. congratulations look forward to you posts as always
    Sir K's submissive (rachel)

    1. You are as charming as ever my friend :-)

  2. It is a distinct and profound pleasure to see that you have found the inner peace to exist as who you are on your own and not as others wish or desire you to be. The desire to serve and please are almost instinctual in many women, but to be able to do so on your own terms if often enough kept hidden or pushed to some silent depository. It is my sincere hope that you find the one to whom you will be a marvel of service and devotion, without their need to change who you are to who they want you to be. I only wish I could entice you in my direction. Good fortune.

  3. Thank You James.....that means a lot to me....I'm very happy the way I am right now :-)

  4. Here I am checking up on you, to see how you are doing out in the world. Since there have been no recent updates. Is all well? You could always check out Wisconsin, we get almost as cold as Canada does in the winter.,,,,,lol

    1. Hello James,
      yes I am doing very well, thank you for asking :-)
      I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man.
      Although he is not really familiar with this lifestyle I feel very comfortable with him and I am actually enjoying the attention, love, affection and caring he gives me.
      Being abstained from love, affection and all that makes a relationship work during my marriage and the time I was 'owned' this is all new to me.
      I'm inhaling it, although it is a bit scary.
      Time will tell if this is meant to be, but in the meantime I'm slowly introducing him to more kinkier sex :P
      It was actually him who suggested making video's ao who knows, maybe I'll post some here.
      I'll try to write a bit more posts in the future but I've also got a very busy but rewarding job and my youngest is still living at home, so bear with me.
      Have great summer, James and the same to all my friends and followers as well :-)

      Be happy, life is too short.

  5. I am very glad to hear you are doing so well. Then there is hope we will perhaps see more of you in the future.

  6. Good Luck! Should you ever want toexplore the wilds of the west (USA), I'd be honored to be considered as a guide.